SOML

Man 2020 was such a storm! I'm sure all of you can relate to the suckiness of the COVID pandemic. I was expecting to give birth to my son sometime in late March of 2020, but my body had other plans for him. I was so optimistic that I would be able to try a VBAC if I could hold out long enough and have him be further developed.  Unfortunately I went into severe crisis on February 17, 2020 and was told I would be delivering him the next day at just 35+2. His lungs were fully developed and he was ready to make his appearance. By the time I arrived at the hospital, I couldn't walk anymore. Sickle cell always tends to attack my hips, even the right hip that I've had replaced twice (Yes, you heard that right. TWICE.) within a year of each other. So there I was in excruciating pain, I couldn't get up to even go to the restroom and even moving to the bedside commode was agony. In an attempt to help reduce the amount of opioids in my son's system upon delivery they made the ...

Silly me! I never updated the blog after the birth of my beautiful son! Please look forward to an update on all things related to his birth. Cause let me tell you- it was very unexpected. STAY TUNED!

One thing that my good friends and family know about me is that I am amazingly stubborn. I like to think that this is a particularly amazing characteristic that I have which has enabled me to remain motivated and tackle obstacles against all odds. And those odds are definitely stacked against me. I am currently 24 weeks pregnant with my second child 😨 I know what you’re thinking. Didn’t I learn my lesson the first time? The short answer is yes...and no. So maybe there is no short answer. But I do know that individuals with sickle cell disease and other chronic illnesses have the same human urges to procreate. I'm not saying everyone desires to be a parent, but generally, we have similar wants, needs, goals and dreams as healthy people. I've accomplished a lot in my short time on this Earth and I am so proud of me for hanging in there through some tough situations. But maybe you don't know about those? Okay, I'll tell you. I wasn't diagnosed with Sickle Cell D...

Dear Providers, You may not know this about me, but I am a fighter. This means I am going to fight you, tooth and nail, for you to do what's best for me as a patient. I am going to challenge you to see me as HUMAN first. I wear many hats. I am a mom , wife , sister , an aunt , a niece , a daughter , a granddaughter , a cousin , a friend , a confidant , and an advocate. I have qualities you may not be aware of yet. I'm educated, passionate, devoted, outspoken, charismatic, funny, sarcastic and sassy. I just happen to have Sickle Cell Disease. But I spend a lot of my time being emotional and fearful that the first thing you see when I walk into your place of work, is a combination of my skin color and my disease. You make judgements about why I am there. You question if I am truly in pain. You may even accuse me of drug seeking. I will go along with all of your tests designed to rule out imminent death, and will ride along as you do the minimum allowed to void yourse...

Death. It really is true that it comes like a thief in the night. One minute everything is status quo, and the next, your whole life is turned upside down. The loss I feel at the death of my grandmother is incomparable. Through this sickle journey that I have been on, she had been an avid cheerleader in my successes and solid counsel in times of failure. I'd call my grandma and we'd talk and laugh for hours. She taught me so much about love and sacrifice. You see, grandma came to look after my sisters and I when my mother was stationed in Korea. I remember our afternoon walks to school and the feeling of community. As we aged, grandma stayed in Colorado and was very rooted. She worshipped at church, met up with friends for lunch and remained wholly independent despite never driving, nor expressing any desire to learn how to drive. But she missed her hometown of Baltimore, MD. So grandma left us in Colorado and took another journey across the country in 2009.  Even thoug...

Each time that I have a procedure or operation in which I have to go under general anesthesia I write a letter to my friends and loved ones.  I make sure that I get in contact with everyone who means something to me. I make sure that I make amends.  Because I am currently averaging a surgery a year, this is a good way to keep the slate clean. It gives you perspective on what you have to do in this life, where your life is headed, what's important, what and who is NOT. I have to reset my priorities to make sure they align with where my life is headed. Do I have to let some people go? Yes. Do I have to be honest with myself? Absolutely. Do I know that unexpected things can happen and there is nothing you can do about it no matter how hard you try to mitigate disaster? Yup. 2017 Sucked. I entered the year full of hope and possibility like all years previous. I knew that I needed a hip replacement. I signed up for it since the pain in my right hip was excruciating. I rea...

So far I've had such a craptastic and yet enlightening year. One minute I'm walking through life, doing my usual routine. Absolutely nothing is out of the ordinary. I realized I may not be 100% happy at that point in time, but I believe happiness is achievable. After all it's just a state of mind right? And then the unimaginable happens. Something that I thought was impossible is possible and I then had to flip my life upside down to try to figure out how to make the pieces fit. But nothing fits and nothing makes sense. Now these pieces are damaged, almost to the point of being destroyed, because of trying to force them to make sense.  What is the point in trying to achieve something that will always be just beyond reach?  Sometimes for the benefit of me, I have to let go of you.