How Many Times Will I Have to Do This?!
Each time that I have a procedure or operation in which I have to go under general anesthesia I write a letter to my friends and loved ones. I make sure that I get in contact with everyone who means something to me. I make sure that I make amends. Because I am currently averaging a surgery a year, this is a good way to keep the slate clean. It gives you perspective on what you have to do in this life, where your life is headed, what's important, what and who is NOT. I have to reset my priorities to make sure they align with where my life is headed.
Do I have to let some people go? Yes.
Do I have to be honest with myself? Absolutely.
Do I know that unexpected things can happen and there is nothing you can do about it no matter how hard you try to mitigate disaster? Yup.
2017 Sucked.
I entered the year full of hope and possibility like all years previous. I knew that I needed a hip replacement. I signed up for it since the pain in my right hip was excruciating. I reached out to my people. I aligned myself with God and wanted peace. But you know what? I was not at peace.
I wrote on April 26, 2017 I am not at peace." Why didn't I just call off the surgery then? I went along with it because it was already planned, everything was in place. I'd be walking the same day! What's not to like about that situation? I woke up hating life. The pain was beyond anything I can describe to you. I did not feel relief after the first few days, weeks, months...year. Why did it take almost a year for everyone to figure out that my hip replacement didn't take? Why do I feel that every time I try to make a proactive decision about my health, something happens that takes my health in the opposite direction.
Growing up I would randomly win prizes. My mom would say I was lucky or that I had a knack for these things. Yes, things were pretty easy for me to achieve growing up. I was reading, writing, doing math, and everything else with ease. I'd open a bottle of sprite and win (some of you remember those days). I'd enter a drawing and win. I'd sign up for a contest; win. Well, now it seems the odds have tipped in the other direction.
On this see-saw called life, I am now the deadweight.
Summer 2016
DVT in my left arm from a port placement that was meant to help me when I'm in the hospital dealing with Sickle Cell issues. The subclavian clot stemmed from the port, down to the center of my left arm, and to the top of my jugular. I'm not sure how I was alive.
I had to have that port removed, but they placed the new port before just in case the clot dislodged and I needed medications fast. They said it looked as if the first surgeon nicked the port against my subclavian which created a hole. Lucky me.
April 2017
Right hip replacement surgery, rehab, etc
July 2017
I randomly started vomiting one night, went to the hospital at the break of dawn. Last thing I remember is saying they were going to admit me. I woke up 3 days later in ICU where I learned I had been having seizures, could not see (was blind for all intents and purposes), and was often unresponsive. I didn't recognize faces. During this stay I lost 30 pounds. They finally got a neurology consult who diagnosed me with a stroke.
When I woke up I had a horrible headache and couldn't stand the light. I remembered people. I was talking and joking around like usual. And of course, I wanted OUT of the hospital. They say my recovery was miraculous. That I had a stroke in just the right place. lucky you could say.
Shortly thereafter I was diagnosed with Lupus.
What is the point of life? What is the point of my life? I often say that the only reason I am still around today is because of my child. A birth that was so traumatic I have not tried again.
This little boy whom has stolen my heart and that I gave life to, has saved my life over and over again.
Do I have to let some people go? Yes.
Do I have to be honest with myself? Absolutely.
Do I know that unexpected things can happen and there is nothing you can do about it no matter how hard you try to mitigate disaster? Yup.
2017 Sucked.
I entered the year full of hope and possibility like all years previous. I knew that I needed a hip replacement. I signed up for it since the pain in my right hip was excruciating. I reached out to my people. I aligned myself with God and wanted peace. But you know what? I was not at peace.
I wrote on April 26, 2017 I am not at peace." Why didn't I just call off the surgery then? I went along with it because it was already planned, everything was in place. I'd be walking the same day! What's not to like about that situation? I woke up hating life. The pain was beyond anything I can describe to you. I did not feel relief after the first few days, weeks, months...year. Why did it take almost a year for everyone to figure out that my hip replacement didn't take? Why do I feel that every time I try to make a proactive decision about my health, something happens that takes my health in the opposite direction.
Growing up I would randomly win prizes. My mom would say I was lucky or that I had a knack for these things. Yes, things were pretty easy for me to achieve growing up. I was reading, writing, doing math, and everything else with ease. I'd open a bottle of sprite and win (some of you remember those days). I'd enter a drawing and win. I'd sign up for a contest; win. Well, now it seems the odds have tipped in the other direction.
On this see-saw called life, I am now the deadweight.
Summer 2016
DVT in my left arm from a port placement that was meant to help me when I'm in the hospital dealing with Sickle Cell issues. The subclavian clot stemmed from the port, down to the center of my left arm, and to the top of my jugular. I'm not sure how I was alive.
I had to have that port removed, but they placed the new port before just in case the clot dislodged and I needed medications fast. They said it looked as if the first surgeon nicked the port against my subclavian which created a hole. Lucky me.
April 2017
Right hip replacement surgery, rehab, etc
July 2017
I randomly started vomiting one night, went to the hospital at the break of dawn. Last thing I remember is saying they were going to admit me. I woke up 3 days later in ICU where I learned I had been having seizures, could not see (was blind for all intents and purposes), and was often unresponsive. I didn't recognize faces. During this stay I lost 30 pounds. They finally got a neurology consult who diagnosed me with a stroke.
When I woke up I had a horrible headache and couldn't stand the light. I remembered people. I was talking and joking around like usual. And of course, I wanted OUT of the hospital. They say my recovery was miraculous. That I had a stroke in just the right place. lucky you could say.
Shortly thereafter I was diagnosed with Lupus.
What is the point of life? What is the point of my life? I often say that the only reason I am still around today is because of my child. A birth that was so traumatic I have not tried again.
This little boy whom has stolen my heart and that I gave life to, has saved my life over and over again.
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