SOML

Dear Providers, You may not know this about me, but I am a fighter. This means I am going to fight you, tooth and nail, for you to do what's best for me as a patient. I am going to challenge you to see me as HUMAN first. I wear many hats. I am a mom , wife , sister , an aunt , a niece , a daughter , a granddaughter , a cousin , a friend , a confidant , and an advocate. I have qualities you may not be aware of yet. I'm educated, passionate, devoted, outspoken, charismatic, funny, sarcastic and sassy. I just happen to have Sickle Cell Disease. But I spend a lot of my time being emotional and fearful that the first thing you see when I walk into your place of work, is a combination of my skin color and my disease. You make judgements about why I am there. You question if I am truly in pain. You may even accuse me of drug seeking. I will go along with all of your tests designed to rule out imminent death, and will ride along as you do the minimum allowed to void yourse...

Each time that I have a procedure or operation in which I have to go under general anesthesia I write a letter to my friends and loved ones.  I make sure that I get in contact with everyone who means something to me. I make sure that I make amends.  Because I am currently averaging a surgery a year, this is a good way to keep the slate clean. It gives you perspective on what you have to do in this life, where your life is headed, what's important, what and who is NOT. I have to reset my priorities to make sure they align with where my life is headed. Do I have to let some people go? Yes. Do I have to be honest with myself? Absolutely. Do I know that unexpected things can happen and there is nothing you can do about it no matter how hard you try to mitigate disaster? Yup. 2017 Sucked. I entered the year full of hope and possibility like all years previous. I knew that I needed a hip replacement. I signed up for it since the pain in my right hip was excruciating. I rea...

So far I've had such a craptastic and yet enlightening year. One minute I'm walking through life, doing my usual routine. Absolutely nothing is out of the ordinary. I realized I may not be 100% happy at that point in time, but I believe happiness is achievable. After all it's just a state of mind right? And then the unimaginable happens. Something that I thought was impossible is possible and I then had to flip my life upside down to try to figure out how to make the pieces fit. But nothing fits and nothing makes sense. Now these pieces are damaged, almost to the point of being destroyed, because of trying to force them to make sense.  What is the point in trying to achieve something that will always be just beyond reach?  Sometimes for the benefit of me, I have to let go of you.