What a Shit Show

Man 2020 was such a storm! I'm sure all of you can relate to the suckiness of the COVID pandemic. I was expecting to give birth to my son sometime in late March of 2020, but my body had other plans for him. I was so optimistic that I would be able to try a VBAC if I could hold out long enough and have him be further developed. 

Unfortunately I went into severe crisis on February 17, 2020 and was told I would be delivering him the next day at just 35+2. His lungs were fully developed and he was ready to make his appearance. By the time I arrived at the hospital, I couldn't walk anymore. Sickle cell always tends to attack my hips, even the right hip that I've had replaced twice (Yes, you heard that right. TWICE.) within a year of each other. So there I was in excruciating pain, I couldn't get up to even go to the restroom and even moving to the bedside commode was agony. In an attempt to help reduce the amount of opioids in my son's system upon delivery they made the (in hindsight) lousy decision to increase the long acting pain medication I was on and take me off of the short acting. Looking back this is a decision I wish I had fought because it did nothing but complicate matters for myself and my son. Also due to this decision, I spent that night crying in agony wishing I would somehow magically become unconscious which only created the cycle of higher blood pressure → more stress on the baby → and more pain. (Don't forget to rinse and repeat) But I was prepared for him to join us on the outside. 

I honestly hated everything about the process to having him born. My doctor was excellent. My team that I picked for this was great and supportive, but honestly who wants to have their body cut open, needles inserted in their back, tubes up their urethra all while being awake? No one. What I remember most was how cold it was. Such a sharp, antiseptic and cold room. 

I've got to say I have been trying to write about this since I had him. Here it is a year and a half later and I still don't want to revisit those moments. He 100% completes my family and we love him so much. He's a healthy and, usually, happy toddler now. Really, he is an absolute joy in the middle of all of this mess we're in with COVID-19 and it's variants. But when it comes to how certain issues are treated when sickle cell is involved, or maybe it's just me as a Black woman, many times I find that I am picked out and discriminated against. It seems as if some people in the medical field can't help but to make things more complicated than they need to be. The general ignorance and lack of guidance about the nature of the disease and how it manifests differently in each Warrior is glaringly obvious. 

So in a place where I had the best of the best advocating for me all throughout my pregnancy, I found that support postnatally was incredibly limited. This is when the providers associated with my son's care came in and made my life a living hell. And honestly, I want to leave it at that as I haven't decided if I want to pursue litigation against some of the providers involved in his care. Suffice it to say that it is very difficult to take you through these moments with me.

So, as incredibly blessed I am to have come through my pregnancy alive and well, I am not without emotional scars. This mama is a little more reserved in life now when it concerns her children- which almost defeats the point of my blog. The blog served as a tool to keep my family and friends updated all in one place with a click of a button. I'm not sure if it's the place for my children anymore. 

I will say there are many take aways from my experiences living in Colorado and having to deal with constant pushback in regards to proper care here. Despite the obstacles I have learned to live and thrive here. 

So be sure to check back in to catch a new post on my most commonly asked questions!